


russian roulette

by pixelatedgalaxygamerrr



Category: PewDiePie (YouTube RPF), Youtube - Freeform, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: AND JACKSEPTICEYE FANS, Angst, Character Death, Dialogue Heavy, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, IM SORRY MARKIPLIER FANS, IM SORRY PEWDIEPIE FANS OUT THERE, M/M, Russian Roulette, Songfic, Suicide (mentioned), but not really, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 17:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7541593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixelatedgalaxygamerrr/pseuds/pixelatedgalaxygamerrr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If it happens.  If I do die.  I want my subscribers to know that I care about them with all my life.  To remind them to never give up.  To reach for the stars.  Because their dreams are limitless.  To remind them that they can do anything they can do anything that they put their minds to.  To always pursue their passions and dreams.  To keep going, even when it gets rough.  To never, ever harm themselves.  Their life is so much more than what they think it’s worth.<br/>To let them know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That I love them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I hope they forgive me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	russian roulette

**Author's Note:**

> sorry in advance for this ;-;
> 
> hope you enjoy the angst ! :')
> 
>  
> 
> pls don't kill meh :'3  
> ~  
> based on the song 'russian roulette' by rihanna.  
> if you wanna listen:
> 
> song i was listening to while writing this (nightcore): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvb8OdAuvP8  
> original song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4T4EB3dl9j8  
> male nightcore version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5iJpPpC8m0 
> 
> happy reading!~
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>    
>  ** _words like this are the song lyrics_**  
>   
>  _words like this are thoughts/emphasized words in dialogue_  
>  **words like this...idk. they are supposed to make an impact. like BOOM. idk dont judge**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> disclaimer: i do not own the song or the artist of the song. some lyrics are missed in the story, but that is so it could move along nicely and not be choppy and repetitive. thank you.
> 
>  
> 
> **trigger warnings: mentions of suicide, major character death, blood (non-descriptive), death, mentions of daniel kyre, mentions of mark's father, russian roulette**

**_Uh, uh_ **

The sound clicked throughout the room, and I heard a breath of relief be released from across the table. Felix passed the gun over to Jack. Jack took the handgun in his hand, taking a deep breath before spinning the revolver and pulling the trigger, letting out a breath of relief as a _click_ resonated throughout the room. He turned to me.

**_Take a breath_ **  
**_Take it deep_ **

I flared my nostrils as I inhaled a load of air, letting it settle in my throat for a few seconds before slowly letting the air out through my mouth. I looked back at Jack, who had a worried look upon his face.

**_‘Calm yourself,’ he says to me_ **

“Calm yourself,” Felix growled. “And take the damn gun.”

**_If you play, you play for keeps_ **  
**_Take the gun, and count to three_ **

My hands were shaking, sweat was dripping down my neck in heavy drops. Jack reached out the gun towards me. I could clearly see his hand shaking violently, making the gun shake as well. I reached out my hand and clasped it around his wrist gently, hoping to send him some sort of comfort through the subtle touch. I let out a sigh of relief as I felt him visibly relax at my touch, making the gun shake not-so-violently.  
I took my hand off of his wrist and let it rest in my lap, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.  
_1…_  
_2…_  
_3…_

**_I’m sweating now_ **  
**_Moving slow_ **

I opened my eyes and looked at the gun, which Jack still had in his hands. Everything around me seemed to slow as my hand reached out towards the gun. Sweat was dripping down my neck and forehead in big, hot drops. My vision was getting cloudy and I felt my cheeks wetting. I brought my hand up and quickly wiped away the tears; wiping my eyes furiously. I brushed my hands on my jeans before reaching out and taking the gun into my hand, letting it slide out of Jack’s sweat-slicked hands and into mine.

**_No time to think, my turn to go_ **

My hands started shaking again. I wiped at my eyes and looked at the gun in my hand, examining it to pass by the time. _To stall_ , I thought. _So I don’t have to do it._

**_Say a prayer, to yourself_ **  
**_He says ‘close your eyes, sometimes it helps’_ **

Felix let out a feral growl and slammed the circular wooden table, making me jump and jerk my head up, letting out a pitiful squeak.  
“Shoot the damn gun before I do it myself!” he yelled, his voice cold.  
Jack glared at Felix before turning to me, putting his hand over mine, squeezing it in reassurance.  
“Close your eyes babe,” he murmured, “sometimes it helps.” He gave me a small smile and another reassuring squeeze.

**_And then I get, a scary thought_ **  
**_That he’s here - means he’s never lost_ **

“Felix?” I questioned, turning towards him.  
He glared back, with an icy coldness deep within his gaze. _Or maybe that’s just his eye colour._  
“What?” he snapped, his voice emotionless.  
“H-Have you done... _this_ before?” I stuttered, motioning around the table and to the gun in my hand.  
He gave a slight nod. “ _Plenty._ ” His voice sent shivers down my spine.  
“H-Have you ever-?”  
“ _I’ve never lost._ ” Another shiver ran through my spine, chilling my core, even though my skin was on fire. I looked up and saw the smirk on his face. He grinned, cheshire cat-like.  
“Now, _put the gun to your head before I shoot you myself,_ ” he snarled, making me shove the gun up and dig the muzzle into the side of my head, breathing heavily. His smirk came back.

**_As my life flashes before my eyes_ **  
**_I’m wondering, will I, ever see another sunrise?_ **

_I remembered my childhood. My father dying, saying ‘i love you, so much’ to me. When I first followed Sean, saying ‘vidyas’ and not ‘videos’. Was I really that stupid? Meeting Jack for the first time. Him fake proposing to me at PAX. Playing games with him; the livestreams with him; the good times. Bob and Wade. Matthias and Amanda. All those sketches and challenges with Matthias. Ryan and Matt. Cyndago. Daniel. The sketches and challenges with Cyndago. Maybe I’ll finally get to see Daniel again. My family. Tom. My mother and step mother. Maybe I’ll get to see my father again. My husband; Jack. I love him so much. More than my whole life._

I look to the window, seeing the beautiful splashes of colour. The rich golden yellow. The brilliant, warm orange cascading gently down past the houses, disappearing behind them, creating a blocky -but not any less beautiful- silhouette. Around the orange, an elegant royal blue painted the rest of the sky. The sky was a beautiful canvas, painted by the people who live underneath it. Whatever we imagined of it, one day, it will turn out to be the sky. One day. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day.  
This may be my last sunset. I may not see the stars ever again. The sun ever again. The beauty of sunsets and sunrises, ever again. But that’s okay. It’s all okay.

**_So many won’t get a chance to say goodbye_ **  
**_But it’s too late to think about the value of my life_ **

_If it happens. If I do die. I want my subscribers to know that I care about them with all my life. To remind them to never give up. To reach for the stars. Because their dreams are limitless. To remind them that they can do anything they can do anything that they put their minds to. To always pursue their passions and dreams. To keep going, even when it gets rough. To never, ever harm themselves. Their life is so much more than what they think it’s worth._  
_To let them know._

_That I love them._

But it’s too late. I’m already set up for death. The gun is right there. And I’m the one pulling the trigger. Kind of like suicide.

 

I hope they forgive me.

**_You can see my heart beating_ **  
**_Oh, you can see it through my chest_ **  
**_I’m terrified, but I’m not leaving, no_ **  
**_Know that I must pass this test_ **

My heart beat sped up rapidly, and I started sweating again. I felt like my heart was on my chest, on display for everyone to see. Everyone was staring at me, waiting for me to pull the trigger. I glanced over at Jack, seeing tears brimming in his eyes. He met my gaze, his ocean blue eyes swimming with emotion. I smiled sadly at him.

_Know that I must pass this test, Jack._

**_So, just pull the trigger_**

_BANG!_

The sound echoed through my system, deafening me for a moment before it all came clear.

_I just killed myself. There’s a bullet inside of my head._

As soon as the realization hit, an overwhelming sense of pain came over me, making me slide to the floor. I tried to move my hands to cover my ears, most of the pain coming from somewhere near there. But I couldn’t move.  
My vision was swimming. Nothing was clear. It was all blurs. Something warm slid down the side of my head and face, which I only assumed to be blood. The edges of my vision were fading. Sound resonated somewhere within me, and I heard a jumble of voices before two stood out to me.

“I love you Mark!” I heard Jack scream, somewhere near me. Near my ear. But one voice stood over it all.

 

“ _He wasn’t worth anything to this world, anyway._ ”

 

And everything turned to black.

 

 

_I love you too Sean, with all my heart._

**Author's Note:**

> word count all together: 1327  
> word count (w/out lyrics): 1189  
> time taken: 5 hrs (damnnnnnn)
> 
> aaa this story almost made me cry ;-;
> 
> anyway, tell me who you think said "he wasn't worth anything to this world, anyway". i may make another chapter to tell the backstory of this and/or the aftermath.
> 
> REMEMBER TO HIT THE KUDOS BUTTON IN THE FACE, LIKE A BOSS! AND, HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND *WAPISH WAPISH* THANK YOU GUYS, AND I WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES (& dudettes can't forget about us XP) IN THE NEXT STORY!!!! (or chapter, whichever comes first)
> 
> love you guys, and thanks for reading! kudos and comments are always appreciated! :))))


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